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The Prosecution: Beth

At times I'm recorded while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when strangers see her performing for the camera – I experience vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed later, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend assisting her create material.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or dishonest, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with another. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an audience. I am not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I hope Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who execute that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the nuances, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, providing her a opportunity to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could help her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the content we create together can achieve: an opening. I know not everyone likes being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes content genuine. Being recorded from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private filmmaker, but companions help each other in minor capacities. I thought recording a clip now and then would be fun for her. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want content creation to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it’s about expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly content creation is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend film you. I understand that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She must to respect Beth’s personal space.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life publicly, but it isn't for everybody. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some real experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their bond?